Upon arrival at Adelaide airport.
Customs man: have you brought any food into the country?
Customs man: anything off your flight?
Me: oh, I think I might have some jam
Customs man: jam’s not a problem, it’s so processed…
(I rummage around in my pockets, looking for the jam)
Customs man: it’s okay, jam’s not a problem.
Me: (continuing to rummage) it’s okay, I’ve almost found it
Customs man: jam’s not a problem
Me: oh, okay. Sorry. That was a bit weird wasn’t it?
Customs woman: you travel very light, don’t you?
Me: really? I’ve got three bags! I’m not even sure what else I’d take. What do people normally take?
Customs woman: I find it a bit difficult to believe the Adelaide Festival would pay for you to come here and stay for eight nights when you’re not working for them.
Me: Er. Yeah. I know!
Customs woman: and you’re sure you don’t have over $10,000 in cash on you?
Customs woman: so if I were to ask you how much cash you had on you what would you say?
Me: (enthusiastically turns out pockets to reveal about £2.50 and some miscellaneous foreign coins) that’s the lot!
Customs woman: really? You’re saying that’s seriously all you have?
Customs women: okay,I believe you.
Me: I was just going to get some money out when I arrived.
Customs woman: it's okay.
Me: I don’t get charged for foreign currency withdrawals, you see!
Customs woman: you can go.